Secret…to disclose or keep it?
I suppose every one of us have our own secrets. In spite of our desire of sharing it to someone, we often think of the consequences that we’ll face when we reveal it. Talking about it in details to other person is really hard. Although sometimes when it is so unbearable we think of sharing it to someone to lighten our load, but we end up keeping it to ourselves because we can’t find a person whom we can reveal our secret or sometimes we are too afraid that we might face rejection, harsh judgment and sometimes we are protecting other people involved in the situation.
They say that keeping secret will not help us deal with the real problem, therefore we can’t leave our baggage. So, we tend to be connected with our secrets. Since we can not share it to anyone, the tendency is that it will stays in our mind and the build-up of hate, pain, stress, anger or any emotion that might flare up. Keeping secrets leads to increased stress, anxiety, and it often makes people think about the issue (event or topic) more frequently (see, Kelly and McKillop).
If a secret is really bothering you, it will really help if you get it out, choose the right person if you intend to confide it, not all person can handle secret. Find a confidant not among the circle of your friends, since he/she doesn’t know the other person involved the tendency is he or she can’t divulge your secret. Dr. Myrna Dartson, an adjunct professor of psychology at Paul Quinn College in Dallas, advises looking at a person’s moral character and personality before disclosing information. “If a secret is going to compromise a friendship, you should not withhold information.”
If you find someone trustworthy then you can probably share it, as long as the response will not be negative and the information you are willing to share will not be used against you. The person must never turn his back on you and reveal it to other people. It must be always between you and him/her. Whatever you talk about in that room or place should stay in that place. Revealing secrets can reduce stress, it helps people let go of an issue and think about it more clearly (see, Kelly and McKillop).
But what if we really can’t find someone to share your secret because you think that they will violate your trust in the end, or you have a dark secret that makes it even harder for you to share it. Thinking major offender here are gossip, and what if your confidant feel that it is much easier to divulge it rather than to conceal your secret? In fact there are other means that you can do to lessen your troubled mind. You can write it in a piece of paper then burn it so no one can read it. Writing a secret down is cathartic – it reduces stress and anxiety (see, Kelly and McKillop). You can also share it to your pets. Your pets are known as excellent snugglers and good listeners. Do not worry that your pet is not a dog or a cat, any animal can and are able to listen. I do share some to my pet bird.They might not speak to you but at least they will not be judgmental over you.
In my personal life I rarely find person I can trust to reveal my secret maybe I’m to afraid that particular person will used that against me but I still find quite a few person whom I reveal myself. I can count them in my fingers, I guess they are just two who really know me well. With them I feel so carefree, I can be me, no restrictions. What is a funny note here is that I haven’t met them in real life.
With this in mind, I can tell you someone who can really hold your secret for life, he will never be judgmental over you, abandon you and he is the best antidote of loneliness, I don’t want to sound so religious here, but I know you understand who I’m referring. God can listen to your secrets.
Moreover, the findings challenge the view that secrets keeping has negative effects on secret-holders. Results revealed some negative effects, but only when the secret was serious. No positive effects were found for secrets disclosure.
I want you to think of this: Is the secret you are keeping can harm another person or yourself? Is this illegal, or you are helping cover up something against the law? Can you save life if you reveal it? is it a matter of life and death? If all your answer is yes then it is time to take a step forward. share it now.